Empathy / Love

What is more powerful than empathy? This is, effectually my love, I dream, not of romance, but of sympathy and suffering, I dream of rejection, for in rejection I have this sinister satisfaction in being felt sorry for, in knowing that someone is hurt for not treating me well: and so much so that it would nigh be better than to have actually been treated well. This is all due to my personal lack of interpersonal skills, intimate seclusion, event sequencing, and general knowledge of responsibility and care for another life. I am the product of sin and selfishness, of sloth and sarcasm but I'll be damned if my facade is not one to be envied by all! And it is for this reason that I long for this minor suffering in order that i may further this idealistic front and that all who leave me, want me. For it seems better to be desired than cared for, to be missed rather than loved. I wonder how confused this is, perhaps, how perverted in mind or tainted in motive, but i challenge that this cannot be solely my feeling, for as I go through this life I realize that the people I most dislike in this world are only those who don't try to do simply the same thing. Its not the sinners I despise or those who wear mask, for they are cohorts in the debauchery of my confused stead, it is in fact those people who have overcome that I have an issue with. Jealousy is my strongest enemy, Sarcasm, my weapon in the war of Relationships, and wit my knife. I am the master of my fate but as i try to Captain my soul, I fall, hard, not in empathy, not in love, but in true dejection, utter complacency of my life, and I shall, if left to myself die and live, solely, alone.